The Anatomy of an Apology

So a friend and I were having a healthy discussion about what constitutes a genuine apology the other day. They said that inherent in expressing your rationalization for the perceived offense… was the apology.. that you in fact did not actually have to say I’m sorry for it to be an apology.. of course I thought this tactic was definitely less than desirable when one is on the receiving end… meaningful apologies do need to acknowledge the position of the offended ..however mislead the offended is on your intentions. It got me thinking about what actually makes a apology work. I was curious what others thought though.. and found a lot of psychology packed in and much more respect and thought are deserved when considering the form of your apology.

Some precious nuggets from my research:

There could be considered four major components of a complete apology which are:

1. the acknowledgement of the offence
2. the explanation
3. the expression of shame and remorse
4. reparations.

An apology heals because:
1 It allows the offending party to maintain and repair the relationship.
2 It allows the offending party to validate the offence.
3 It allows the offending party to reestablish the moral code or social contract with the offended party.
4 It forces the offending party to suffer for what he has done.
5 It allows the offending party to acknowledge shame and remorse.
6 It allows the offending party to show the offence was not personal and will not happen again.
7 It allows the offending party to acknowledge there is a debt to be paid.
8 It allows the offending party to give the victim the power to forgive or not to forgive.
9 It allows the offending party to restore the dignity of the other at the cost of dignity of him- or herself.

Because of all these things, an effective apology is an act of honesty, an act of humility, an act of commitment, an act of generosity, and an act of courage.

just something to ponder the next time you have to apologize for something.. or be apologized to….