So a friend and I were having a healthy discussion about what constitutes a genuine apology the other day. They said that inherent in expressing your rationalization for the perceived offense… was the apology.. that you in fact did not actually have to say I’m sorry for it to be an apology.. of course I thought this tactic was definitely less than desirable when one is on the receiving end… meaningful apologies do need to acknowledge the position of the offended ..however mislead the offended is on your intentions. It got me thinking about what actually makes a apology work. I was curious what others thought though.. and found a lot of psychology packed in and much more respect and thought are deserved when considering the form of your apology.
Some precious nuggets from my research:
There could be considered four major components of a complete apology which are:
1. the acknowledgement of the offence
2. the explanation
3. the expression of shame and remorse
4. reparations.
An apology heals because:
1 It allows the offending party to maintain and repair the relationship.
2 It allows the offending party to validate the offence.
3 It allows the offending party to reestablish the moral code or social contract with the offended party.
4 It forces the offending party to suffer for what he has done.
5 It allows the offending party to acknowledge shame and remorse.
6 It allows the offending party to show the offence was not personal and will not happen again.
7 It allows the offending party to acknowledge there is a debt to be paid.
8 It allows the offending party to give the victim the power to forgive or not to forgive.
9 It allows the offending party to restore the dignity of the other at the cost of dignity of him- or herself.
Because of all these things, an effective apology is an act of honesty, an act of humility, an act of commitment, an act of generosity, and an act of courage.
just something to ponder the next time you have to apologize for something.. or be apologized to….
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Washington Tidbit #5-Old Glory No BBQ
So my guide book suggested lunch at Old Glory BBQ in Georgetown. Unfortunately the Grill was on the fritz for the hour that we decided to stop in. But the fact that we were basically the only people in there had escaped our attention until we had committed ourselves to a booth and we had glupped down some ice water (after walking like 10 blocks out of our way) . Our waitress then pitifully tried to explain what was available.. which was pretty much nothing except for the pulled meats.. we thought about leaving.. but the thought of getting out into the heat again and trying to find something else shot that idea down.. the worst part was No sweet potato fries.. so sad! Kristi said this was probably the healthiest she's ever eaten at a BBQ joint..making the best of it we had fun playing with our food and trying out the various BBQ sauces. Yummy! Just teaser to go back and get the full BBQ experience.
**Me and my pulled mystery meat conglomerate**
**Kristi taking a bite of her pulled pork sandwich**
**Jenny making a sauce masterpiece**Those Crazy Texters
Came across this article today.. oh my gosh! Why have we become so insane about texting? So sad we take for granted the simple joys of walking across the street, riding a bike or rollerblading without being totally plugged in.
I remember when I first moved to San Diego and I thought it was SO weird to see some one on a beach cruiser talking on his cell phone (now that's a regular occurrence.. I think I might have even done that once!)... fast forward a couple years and now no hands on the wheel and head down feverishly pecking out a few grammatically incorrect non sentences...my how far we've come..Anyway had a good laugh and a paradigm shift...enjoy where you are when you're there... no more texting while driving! :)
CHICAGO - The warning came too late for Barack Obama's adviser: Don't walk and text at the same time. Obama aide Valerie Jarrett fell off a Chicago curb several weeks ago while her thumbs were flying on her Blackberry. "I didn't see the sidewalk and I twisted my ankle," Jarrett said. "It was a nice wake-up call for me to be a lot more careful in the future, because I clearly wasn't paying attention and I should have." Jarrett got off easy and didn't need medical attention.
But in an alert issued this week, the American College of Emergency Physicians warns of the danger of more serious accidents involving oblivious texters. The ER doctors cite rising reports from doctors around the country of injuries involving text-messaging pedestrians, bicyclists, Rollerbladers, even motorists. Most involve scrapes, cuts and sprains from texters who walked into lampposts or walls or tripped over curbs. Still, ER doctors who responded to a recent informal query from the organization reported two deaths, both in California. A San Francisco woman was killed by a pickup truck earlier this year when she stepped off a curb while texting, and a Bakersfield man was killed last year by a car while crossing the street and texting.
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has no national estimate on how common texting-related injuries are. But among the reports it has received: A 15-year-old girl fell off her horse while texting, suffering head and back injuries, and a 13-year-old girl suffered belly, leg and arm burns after texting her boyfriend while cooking noodles.
Giancarlo Yerkes texted his way across a busy Chicago street Tuesday and escaped unscathed. But the 30-year-old advertising employee admitted he once walked straight into a stop sign while texting and bumped his head. Yerkes said that he texts while walking to maximize his time, and that the emergency doctors' warning probably won't stop him. "There's a lot of things you shouldn't do — this is another one on my list," Yerkes said.
Dr. James Adams, chairman of emergency medicine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, said he has treated minor injuries in several texters. "Common sense isn't always common," Adams said. Sometimes even among doctors. "I have to admit that I started a text while I was driving and then I said, `This is so stupid,' so I stopped," Adams said.
Dr. Patrick Walsh, an emergency physician in Bakersfield, Calif., said he is a texter, too, but tries to remind himself to do it intelligently. "We think we're multitasking, but we're not," he said. "You're focusing on one task for a split second, then focusing on another one, and with something moving 40 miles an hour like a car, it just takes a couple of seconds to be hit." Walsh, a native of Ireland, said that on a recent visit there he noticed an effective government TV ad campaign against texting and walking, aimed at teenagers. The message echoes the new advice from U.S. emergency doctors. "We don't want to sound like some stern schoolmistress, telling people don't text on your cell phone," Walsh said. "But when you're texting, look around," he said.
The ER group also says people should never text while driving, and should avoid talking on a cell phone or texting while doing other physical activities, including walking, biking, boating and Rollerblading.
___
I remember when I first moved to San Diego and I thought it was SO weird to see some one on a beach cruiser talking on his cell phone (now that's a regular occurrence.. I think I might have even done that once!)... fast forward a couple years and now no hands on the wheel and head down feverishly pecking out a few grammatically incorrect non sentences...my how far we've come..Anyway had a good laugh and a paradigm shift...enjoy where you are when you're there... no more texting while driving! :)
CHICAGO - The warning came too late for Barack Obama's adviser: Don't walk and text at the same time. Obama aide Valerie Jarrett fell off a Chicago curb several weeks ago while her thumbs were flying on her Blackberry. "I didn't see the sidewalk and I twisted my ankle," Jarrett said. "It was a nice wake-up call for me to be a lot more careful in the future, because I clearly wasn't paying attention and I should have." Jarrett got off easy and didn't need medical attention.
But in an alert issued this week, the American College of Emergency Physicians warns of the danger of more serious accidents involving oblivious texters. The ER doctors cite rising reports from doctors around the country of injuries involving text-messaging pedestrians, bicyclists, Rollerbladers, even motorists. Most involve scrapes, cuts and sprains from texters who walked into lampposts or walls or tripped over curbs. Still, ER doctors who responded to a recent informal query from the organization reported two deaths, both in California. A San Francisco woman was killed by a pickup truck earlier this year when she stepped off a curb while texting, and a Bakersfield man was killed last year by a car while crossing the street and texting.
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has no national estimate on how common texting-related injuries are. But among the reports it has received: A 15-year-old girl fell off her horse while texting, suffering head and back injuries, and a 13-year-old girl suffered belly, leg and arm burns after texting her boyfriend while cooking noodles.
Giancarlo Yerkes texted his way across a busy Chicago street Tuesday and escaped unscathed. But the 30-year-old advertising employee admitted he once walked straight into a stop sign while texting and bumped his head. Yerkes said that he texts while walking to maximize his time, and that the emergency doctors' warning probably won't stop him. "There's a lot of things you shouldn't do — this is another one on my list," Yerkes said.
Dr. James Adams, chairman of emergency medicine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, said he has treated minor injuries in several texters. "Common sense isn't always common," Adams said. Sometimes even among doctors. "I have to admit that I started a text while I was driving and then I said, `This is so stupid,' so I stopped," Adams said.
Dr. Patrick Walsh, an emergency physician in Bakersfield, Calif., said he is a texter, too, but tries to remind himself to do it intelligently. "We think we're multitasking, but we're not," he said. "You're focusing on one task for a split second, then focusing on another one, and with something moving 40 miles an hour like a car, it just takes a couple of seconds to be hit." Walsh, a native of Ireland, said that on a recent visit there he noticed an effective government TV ad campaign against texting and walking, aimed at teenagers. The message echoes the new advice from U.S. emergency doctors. "We don't want to sound like some stern schoolmistress, telling people don't text on your cell phone," Walsh said. "But when you're texting, look around," he said.
The ER group also says people should never text while driving, and should avoid talking on a cell phone or texting while doing other physical activities, including walking, biking, boating and Rollerblading.
___
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Day at the Races
**Me and the Golden Ticket**I ditched out of work early and joined JW and her work for 4 o'lock Friday at Del Mar Fairgrounds to watch some horse racing. I don’t really get into the whole gambling thing, but I do enjoy the thrill of watching those horses gallop across the track. I gave myself an entertainment budget of $2 and took my chances on a horse named Exquisite.. No one would be able to confuse me for a regular.. the lady at the booth had to coach me through about 20 decisions before handing me my ticket. I ended up with $2 on #9 to Place (which means coming in 1st or 2nd) the odds were not in my favor… by shear luck my horse came in 2nd and I won $8.40.. not bad.. but I quickly made the decision to retire and reinvest my winnings in to consumable energy (a spicy hot dog from the concession stand).
**Horses After a Race--They would be a blur if I tried to get them mid race**
**JW looking for the big winner**
Washington Tidbit #2-Style and Comfort
Just wanted to let you know that Jenny put me to shame with her go-go-gadget packing skills. She arrived at my house on Thursday with a carry on sized bag for SIX days worth of adventures.. she even managed to get a full fledged folding chair in there.. Honestly?! I was completely amazed. and a little embarrassed… my bag was twice the size.
Due to the Airplane maintenance issues I was afforded the opportunity to reexamine my contents and do a little reorganizing.. and the major difference in packing styles stemmed from my choice to pack with options.. because who knows what you will feel like wearing one day… Jenny thought this was hilarious.. but no use trying to be something your not.. so not much was taken out and I was perfectly content.. except when I had to maneuver my huge suitcase on the subway! Sacrifices do have to be made.. Style before comfort.
Due to the Airplane maintenance issues I was afforded the opportunity to reexamine my contents and do a little reorganizing.. and the major difference in packing styles stemmed from my choice to pack with options.. because who knows what you will feel like wearing one day… Jenny thought this was hilarious.. but no use trying to be something your not.. so not much was taken out and I was perfectly content.. except when I had to maneuver my huge suitcase on the subway! Sacrifices do have to be made.. Style before comfort.
Washington Tidbit #3-The Great Mall Run
**San Diego Crew-Matty, Me, Jenny, Lambini, and Rachel**We arrived in DC with plenty of time to catch the subway to our hotel and met up with the few San Diegians turned East Coasters (Matty G., Rachel J., and Lambini). We caught up while grabbing a quick bite and heading over to a roof top party which promised a view of the fireworks without all the crazy crowds
*View from the Rooftop**The roof top, while spectacular, was really not the DC Fireworks experience that I was hoping for…apparently I needed the energy and excitement of the crowds.. (the weather wasn’t really cooperating.. drizzly and hazy so visibility was being compromised) so during a split second decision making process Jenny, Lambini and I bolted from the roof top with T-15 minutes until show time in search of the Washington Monument. We actually ran through the National Mall (and at one point I was actually talking on my cell phone, trying to confirm tour plans for the next day and running through the streets of an unknown city….sometimes I amaze even myself with my multitasking abilities) and arrived just as the 1st firework erupted. It was glorious! So amazingly to be in the National Capital on the Nations Birthday… I would highly recommend it!
**Pictures don't really do it justice.. due to poor night settings on point and shoot cammeras**
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
